Hard Lessons
by Serami Nefera
Summary: As Mandos foretold, “...the lies of Melkor though shalt unlearn in bitterness...” This is a fanfiction dealing with this foretelling. Currently the characters are Feanor and Mandos. References are made to other characters in the Silmarillion
1. The Truth Unseen Before Him

Hard Lessons

**Disclaimer:** This story is owned by JRR Tolkien.

**Summary:** As Mandos foretold, "...the lies of Melkor though shalt unlearn in bitterness..." This is a fanfiction dealing with this foretelling.

Ch.1 The truth unseen before him.

Feanor stood in the gloom of Mandos' halls. His bright and fierce eyes seeming to pierce the shadows as he searched for a way out. Unseen by him in a corner stood the Lord of the Halls himself, gazing coldly at the elf.

"Release me Mandos. I have no desire to be here and all you prove is that my words were correct! We are nothing but slaves and prisoners to you!" The elf cried out in his rage as he searched the shadows for the being he hated second out of all beings in Arda. First place was reserved for Morgoth.

Mandos did not answer. He did not need to answer the elf provoking accusation. He was just doing what Eru himself had ordained.

Feanor hit one of the walls in frustration and yelled to be released. Mandos barely caught tears on the edges of the proud elf's eyes as he slid against the wall.

"If you will not release me then let me see my Adar." He pleaded desperately. His voice betraying his true desires to the remote Vala.

Again, Mandos did not answer. He just watched the elf as he knelt against the wall with his head bowed. Mandos knew that the elf believed himself most likely forgotten. Tears slipped down from the elf's face as his chest heaved a little. Feanor's fea shone with his grief and pain.

_Now we are truly getting somewhere..._ The Vala thought as he leaned slightly forward. In order for Feanor to heal, he had to grieve. For only through grief could understanding and wisdom arise from the ashes of destruction.

Feanor wept as seeming to rock back and forward against the darkness around him. His anguish plain to see.

"Am I wrong to believe this is the Halls?" Feanor mumbled aloud in his melancholy, "Or is this then the Void? The place to which I am to be forever cursed to be if the Vow failed?" He asked aloud to the silence all around him.

He stood upright all of a sudden and screamed in anger at the world, "Am I to be cursed forever because I did wrong out of love?" He whirled were he stood looking more frantically. His face twisted in outrage as he searched for a source to vent his ire on.

"Is it wrong to love and desire revenge for a loved one who was hurt!" He cried outloud. "Or is my Race to alien to be understood?" he screamed as he tried to be heard.

"Are the Valar so dead in their hearts that they cannot understand the need for revenge? To right a wrong committed by one who killed and took all they loved?" He inquired of the shadows around him. His face twisting into a look of disgust.

He clenched his fist and snarled, "Then wise was I to choose exile! For how could I dwell content in the knowledge that none do care! None cared for any of us... none save my father!"

Mandos listened on as Feanor ranted at the air that did not even flutter in response to Feanor's anger. He wanted Feanor to see his wrong, even if it meant keeping him here alone until he could understand the words he had said. The words with which he condemned Melkor and himself with.

Feanor leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. Restlessness made him fidget where he stood. "He stole everything." Feanor said flatly as his eyes were closed in a sudden despondent mood. His anger seeming to melt away as all he received was an unchaining darkness.

"He took my Silmarills, drove Nerdanel and I apart, and he killed my Adar. All the on top of the alleged 'peace of Valinor' that he broke! And to think... the Valar blamed me for breaking the peace of Valinor! It was broken long before I drew a sword upon Fingolfin the Usurper!" A humorless smile spread across his lips. His expression was taunt as he just leaned against the sturdy stone wall.

"Morgoth came, a thief in the night, and took all. Then what do the Valar do? They sit up on therir lofty mountain and brood. They did nothing else! They did not care! They would not even listen to us!" Feanor cried in angered frustration.

"We told them what had happened earlier! We warned them what we were hearing and the fact that Morgoth was behind it! Yet, we are chastised by the Valar!" Feanor grated out as he turned his head slightly to the side.

"No one cares." Feanor whispered, "No one cares..."

Mandos shook his head, _Feanor is to wrapped in his own frustrations to see what hangs before his nose. For all the intelligence that Feanor is famed for... he sure cannot see the truth when it hangs before him._

"Feanor. It is time." Mandos said sternly into the darkness causing the shadows to swirl as the room changed. It was time for feanor to unlearn all the lies that he had taken for truth.

Please Review, I will be writing more soon. Yet I would like to get feedback on how this story is going so I can decide how the next chapter will go.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Of The Wrongs of Morgoth

Disclaimer: See first chapter.

Author Note: There is a perspective switch in this chapter. The perspective of this chapter will be Feanor.

Ch.2 Of the Wrongs of Morgoth

Feanor turned towards the voice that had spoken out into the gloom of the lonely hall he had found himself trapped in. He quickly masked his longing for another person behind a mask of anger and hate for the one who stood before him.

"Namo Mandos..." He said in a tone that made it more of a curse then a naming. His eyes flamed with his anger and pain at how long they had kept him alone. For so long had he cried out and raged in this hall while the Valar were ignorant of his emotions. They did not care and had left him alone and without any other soul to ease the entrapment. He was not even allowed to see his son who he had accidentally burned. If his other sons were here, he did not know.

"Are you here to gloat?" Feanor asked in barely contained anger. He longed to throttle Mandos, and yet knew that the Vala would not be fazed by his efforts. Indeed, he was coming to think that none of the Eldar could truly 'harm' a Vala. Of course he would NEVER tell Mandos that.

Mandos looked at him, ignoring the words that Feanor had just said. "Why would I gloat over your injuries Feanor? I am Mandos, not Melkor." Mandos said sternly to Feanor his eyes cold and impersonal.

Feanor turned and began to pace in his agitation, "Of course you did not come to gloat..." Feanor growled in frustration, "You are Mandos the Unmovable... not Mandos the Gloater of Ill Fates!" Feanor said with a sharp and tense laugh. A strange feeling of giddiness making him want to grab Mandos and just scream at him to let him go. But he was a Prince of the Noldor, he may yell and scream when he was alone but he would never lower himself to that level before one of the Valar.

Mandos remained silent and then answered Feanor, "I am indeed unmovable, but I am not deaf nor am I blind, Feanor son of Finwe." Mandos said in the same tone. Feanor could almost hear the mocking laughter the Mandos was probably holding onto.

Feanor glared at Mandos, wishing that his glares alone could slay. Still, if that was so then he would have killed Morgoth all those years ago when he stood outside his new home shortly after Feanor was exiled. "If you are not deaf then why did you not answer? If you are not blind then who could you not see? You are said to be able to see further then any Vala, save Ulmo, and yet you did not see Morgoth's deeds before they occured! What happened? Did your vision fail or did you simply turn a blind eye?"

Feanor fell quiet and looked at him in suspicion, "Or did Morgoth already have sway over you? Maybe you aided him in his foul deed and refrained from telling anyone so that Morgoth could reep the benefits!" Feanor accused angrily.

Mandos moved towards the wall and sat down. It was disconcerting, for all of a sudden Feanor had the vision of two associates who had never liked nor known each other were sitting down to chat and dispel false assumptions.

Feanor shook his head at the absurd notion. He knew that he may not be wrong with his accusation and if he was then he was not wrong about Mandos' lack of concern. Everyone knew that Mandos was cold and, as he grudging admitted, impersonal. He was a Judge who took no side except the truth, or so the Valar would have them all believe.

"Feanoro, if I had been a servant of the Black Foe, as you call him, then you would not be in no pain. For think on this, Morgoth hates you with a passion. You had everything he did not and so he took it from you and tried to destroy it." Mandos looked at Feanor who just looked back at him thin lipped and turning white with angery tension.

"You had the love of a father, wife, and sons. So he killed the father, caused estrangement between wife and husband, and through you he is bringing the fall of your sons." Mandos said in a reasonable tone. Feanor hated it, especial because he heard no condemnation in Mandos' voice.

"What fall for my sons?" He asked, pretending ignorance on the topic. Although he did know that they would never break the oath he had them swear. He also knew, now, that it was most likely that Morgoth would not be defeated by them. So he also guessed that like he did, they will throw themselves against all foes until the oath sworn in bitter anger and pain had consumed them all.

Mandos looked at him, this time scorn showed in his face, "Do not try to deceive yourself or me Feanor." The Vala said in a voice that rumbled on the walls of the halls. "You know that the oath will kill your sons. You are just lucky that no Elf can actually condemn themselves to the Void. That right is left to Eru Illuvator." The Vala said in a sympathetic tone.

Feanor stared at the Vala as if he had grown three heads before his very eyes. Mandos had just expressed sympathy! If he had not already been dead then he knew that he would have died from shock.

Mandos looked at him with a half smile, "I am only Impersonal when it comes to judging and announcing peoples fates. I am not heartless, son of Finwe."

Mandos cleared his throat, "As for why Morgoth despises you aside from the love you were given and had... he hated that you could create." Mandos paused and looked at him sternly, "This lead to the wrong you most often cry that Morgoth did you." The Vala said with a sigh, "The Silmarills. Blessed and Cursed, all wrapped up in jewels that shine brighter than any of Varda's stars. The last light of the trees of Valinor." Mandos waxed on eloquently.

Feanor felt dark jealousy in his heart as he thought of Mandos wanting what was his. For that tone in his voice reminded Feanor of the greed Morgoth held.

"The three jewels were never your Feanor. You made their casing and was clever enough to do what none had ever intentionally done. You trapped the light of the Trees in the jewels and made you beloved Silmarills. Still, if you remembered more aptly you would recall that the light came from the trees which in turn was made by Yavanna who was inspired by Eru. In the long run, Feanor, it was Eru who made the jewels." Mandos said calmly.

Feanor pulled away from Mandos with a cry of rage, "No! I made them!" Feanor cried in painful despair, "It came from my imagination!" He denounced.

"And where did your imagination come from, Feanoro?" Mandos asked calmly to the distraught and angered Elf.

"Eru may have made me..." Feanor began to say in a rush to protect his claim to the three jewels.

"Which I assure you he did." Mandos said, amusement coloring his voice at the context of Feanor's words.

"...but I imagined the Silmarills! I figured out how to trap the light of the Trees!" Feanor protested, not heeding Mandos' dry humored sarcasm.

"Still... the light came from the Trees which in the end had come from Eru." Mandos said to the Elf. "Answer me this, Feanoro, where did you come from? Who made you?"

Feanor looked at him in rage, not wanting Mandos to lure him into the path that he knew Mandos had tricked him onto. For it could only end in his condemnation for the deeds that he had committed to regain HIS Silmarills. "My mother and my father made me." The Elf said in answer.

Mandos grinned a little at the Elf's words. For he sought to use his biological origins to protect himself. "Indeed, from their union you did spring up. Still... who made them?" He asked the Elf.

"I would suppose that they were made by their own mothers and fathers." Feanor said coldly in return.

"And who made the original Elves from whom you ancestors did rise?" Mandos prodded gently at the Elf.

Feanor hesitated and then grudgingly admitted, "Eru."

Mandos leaned back with a sigh. His eyes shut as if they had just run a marathon. "Correct. Do you remember the first wrong Morgoth committed in the beginning that he used that eventually condemned him?"

Feanor gritted his teeth in rage as he remembered the older Marring of their beloved world. "He marred Arda..." He said in rage and pain. "Caused pain and suffering." He elaborated at Mandos' questioning look.

"That is correct... if simplistic. Morgoth sung a song that was one of domination and power. He tried to rule and control the song that Eru had appointed each Ainu to sing. Until a group of Ainu were bent to his will." Mandos paused as he seemed to remember the event that had occurred so very long ago.

"When Eru would not let him claim Arda... of which Morgoth was a part of it's making... Morgoth decided to enforce his will on it's design." Mandos fell silent, "I do not want you to fall into his trap. The very one that Melkor fell into so very long ago. The trap of greed, envy, and... hate." Mandos looked at him.

"I have given you much to think on. I shall return later or you may call me if you wish to converse." mandos rose and than vanished from Feanor's side.

Feanor stood silent in the halls, a bitter grimace upon his fair face. The torment shining in his eyes, "I am not and will never be Morgoth..." He said to himself in the hush of the halls.

Thanks for the reviews Minstrel Knight and The Battling Bard

I have had this idea in my head for a while. I do not know how long I will have it be. Feanor is not the type to really 'bow down' to someone and say that he was wrong. I will try to keep putting out more chapters as quickly as I can. I do not want to rush the story.

Please review to let me know if the story is making sense or if I may have made errors in the facts behind the Silmarillion.


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